Hi, I’m Deidrah, just an average woman navigating the craziness that is motherhood and being a stay at home wife. My husband Jon and I just celebrated our 8-year anniversary in June. Now here is where I wish I could say that they were the most magical and bliss filled 8 years of my life, but I’ve decided that I’m going to be raw and open with you. Don’t get me wrong my husband and I love each other dearly, but marriage is hard work! I was naïve enough when we first got married at 18 and 19 years old that I thought melding two lives, bringing two souls together in the covenant of marriage was going to be a beautiful constant state of joyful contentment. As you can see my standards were completely realistic….We have had our beautiful moments of becoming one, where compromise came naturally and we were both doing our best to look out for the other’s best interests, but we have had just as many not so beautiful moments that can be better characterized by stubborn selfishness. Learning to be a God honoring wife will be a continual journey for me.
God has blessed my husband and I with two beautiful little boys. Our oldest Landon is our creative, passionate 6- year old helper. He is continually coming up with these amazing popsicle stick creations that baffle my mind. Our youngest, Kolton has boundless amounts of energy. He is constantly finding ways to climb just high enough on our furniture to send me into cardiac arrest. He daily challenges me to seek God’s provision of strength just to keep up with him.
So now that I’ve told you all about the amazing people who have given me the privilege of being called Mom and wife, I guess I should share a little about myself and why I’m here at Living Broken Together. This bog has been born out of a deep need to be here for other women in a way that isn’t readily available online.
If I just left off with telling you about my wonderful little boys and my husband who challenges me to be a more Christ like woman, you would walk away thinking that my life was pretty low key, that I was just another Mom taking to her blog as a way to give her brain a workout. My story is a bit more complicated than that.
I was born to two teen parents; my mother was 18 and my father 16 when I was born. Being a parent is hard when you are married with a house, a career and stable income, I can’t even imagine still being a child myself and being faced with raising a very medically needy infant. My parents did the best that they could with the skills and resources that they had and I will be forever thankful for all the effort that they made to care for and raise me.
My early years were filled with instability and chaos, it seemed like we moved constantly. A lot of my memories of the first 7 years of my life are repressed and fuzzy, but what I do know with out a shadow of a doubt was that I was taken advantage of. At the age of 6 the superintendent or handy man who took care of our apartment complex, took an interest in me. I began spending all my time with him. He would build me toys, play games with me and dote on me. He gave me the fatherly attention that I was so desperate for. At 6 I didn’t realize just how much that attention was going to cost me.
I didn’t share with anyone that I had been sexually abused until I met my, now husband at 17. When we began courting I dumped all my baggage and issues on his lap for him to inspect. I wanted him to know what he was getting himself into and that it was ok if he didn’t think he could handle it, because there were times when even I couldn’t handle it. He assured me that he loved me and wanted to be a part of my life no matter my baggage, my past shouldn’t define me future. Neither of us really realized the impact that my sexual abuse would have on our marriage.
I am now at a point in my healing that I can see that I never really packed the trauma of being removed from my mother’s home by child protective services, or the horror of being sexually abused, or the pain of feeling abandoned by my father, securely into their boxes, hidden away in the recesses of my heart. They are woven through every aspect of my life. My childhood issues effect how I parent, how I interact with my husband heck it even effects what I wear and how I keep my home.
Living Broken Together was born out of a desire to be here for women who are walking through life with some of the same baggage that I’ve been carrying all these years. I want to be here as a beacon of hope and encouragement. You are not alone sweet sister! I will walk this messy uncomfortable path with you, we can navigate the rough terrain hand in hand. I am here to encourage and love on you when you just don’t feel like you can go on, that the weight of your abuse, neglect or abandonment is just too much to bear. We are children of the One True King and he doesn’t want us to live as slaves to our trauma. We are redeemed, holy and righteous, now we must start acting like we believe it!